Maoris vs Zombies

In 1642 Abel Tasman first sighted New Zealand from his ship. Aboard his ship, however, was the carrier of a particularly devastating virus that found itself onto New Zealand soil. The terrifying by-product of this virus has dead people becoming reanimated rather than remaining lifeless. The virus leaves the inhabitants of New Zealand with a widespread bio-hazard that is rapidly contagious. The first signs of what has commonly been referred to, in future times, as a zombie outbreak. 

Luckily, due to the geographical make-up of pre-colonial Aotearoa, there are a  number of factors in our favour. Having said that, we can't forget about how vulnerable we are to the prevalent and threatening corpses hoping to feast on our grey and white matter.  

In joining our survival whanau, there are a few things you will need to know. Rest assured that we're not conceited to think that we can't ourselves improve. Feel free to contribute to the kaupapa that we Maui brothers put forth (comment below with your whakaaro/thoughts).  

We will focus mainly on weaponry today because first and foremost we need to concentrate on A) hunting for food, and B) fending off attackers. In the next zombie edition (i.e part 2 of this series) we take further care to outline our proposed stronghold that we will fight to protect and defend.

We are going to be using weapons around the time which means, as you'll soon see, we are almost exclusively using melee weapons (which I'm actually quite stoked about, personally). A nice bonus with melee weapons is how silent they are which won't attract the zombie hordes who appear to be attracted to sound. You may also notice that there are some weapons that aren't outlined below that you may have heard about or seen around. We've chosen to eject a few options because of how similar they are to the ones shown. You will see the more distinct weapons among the possible options, for the purposes of variation. The likes of the wahaika and kotiate are slight variations of the patu, and others like patu paraoa are simply made of different materials so I think it's acceptable to leave these out. 

We understand that at times you may not have the resources or tools to create the outlined weapons. Here is a brief question process that you should ask yourself if using any makeshift weapons and also bears keeping in mind even for established weapons. These questions were put forth by the literary zombie master Max Brooks in his zombie survival guide, (a must read for any zombie enthusiast). 

1. Can it crush a skull in one blow?
2. If not, can it decapitate in said blow?
3. Is it easy to handle?
4. Is it light?
5. Is it durable?

Question 1 and 2 are the most important points. Now here are the weapons to choose from, and be certain that if you can prove your worth, we will give you the necessary resources to have your weapon fashioned or even have it fashioned for you, ready for the inevitable battles to come.

Before we start, if you wish to join us we must stress the importance of maintaining the integrity of your weapons. Sharpening and cleaning them often to ensure that the next battle is at ideal conditions, is imperative.

Now for the good part: 


Taiaha -  It is a close-quarters staff weapon made from either wood or whalebone and used for strikes or stabbing. They are generally around 1.5 to 1.8 metres in length. The more practical application of the taiaha is attacking through the zombies eyes or under the jaw, and thus into the brain, requiring quite precise strikes.  A line of brothers (or sisters) using taiaha can stop several zombies while another survivor could silence the zombies safely using a patu.



Tewhatewha - A tewhatewha is a staff, combining features of an ax and a taiaha. It's essentially an ax with a long handle. It is made from either bone or wood and is made entirely from one piece. The tewhatewha can be used as a bludgeoning weapon but similar to the taiaha, it has less effect the closer a zombie gets to you. It is best when you are with others using taiaha or tewhatewha. If this is your weapon of choice make sure you have a patu close for those closer quarters 


Patu - The gangsterist weapon of our ancestral brethren is the patu. It is a very close ranged club-like weapon made from either wood, bone or pounamu. The patu is used as a bludgeon weapon to subdue a man, aiming most strikes at his temple. It may however be less effective against the undead who won't go down with one strike to the temple. Don't be disheartened though as the patu can also have a sharpened edge which I would recommend in order to target the brain of our undead foes.



Maripi - The maripi is a shark-toothed knife that isn't traditionally used as a weapon but we will include it in our discussion for shiz and gigs. I can definitely see it coming in handy for cutting up decomposed bodies similar to its original purpose which was for cutting up dead bodies and dogs. The sharpened teeth would be useful to pierce the brain of a reanimated opponent. 


Toki - Another option that isn't commonly used as a weapon. The toki is an adze used ceremonially and pragmatically as a tool alongside its rare use in battle.  The multiple uses of this badboy mean that you not only have a weapon of which you can apply a mass amount of force to a ghoul's head but you can also use it to maintain your whare or fashion yourself a mean waka to escape the zombies.

Patiti - The patiti is a light ax similar to the tomahawk used by the Native Americans. Useful again as a versatile item. The patiti can be incredibly deadly if used by the right tangata. Although possible to use the patiti as a ranged weapon, i.e to throw at your enemy, I don't recommend this. It is very difficult to hit a zombie target at range while also maintaining the upperhand in a scuffle. You must retrieve your weapon to continue battling and unless one-on-one, you open yourself up to vulnerability. An effective weapon/tool the patiti is, nonetheless.


Out of the weapons outlined above you can choose two, of which I would recommend a short ranged one, and a middle or long-range weapon. Next we will discuss our pa which is our stronghold. There is the possibility of expansion given the right motivation.

Which weapon combo do you like?

36 days without incident